Aug 9, 2017

Rant-o-rama

Greetings folks.  Hope you enjoyed seeing Ann's work.  She has quite a collection of wallets, fifteen that I have shared.
 
Our weekend went well, Mark won a 40" SmartTV at the golf outing.  Since we need to replace Carole's old 36", this was great.  Except, she wants a 50", even though this is still larger than she had.  Does this frost my crabass?  You betcha.  I just bought her great grandkids new outfits and shoes for school, (love my Kohl's discounts!) and asked her to have the little guy try on the three pair I brought home for size.  Two fit.  She let them take the shoes home, and two days later he is playing outside in the woods with the new school shoes on.  I told her NOT to give them to him now because I know how irresponsible that family is, but she did anyway and let him keep two of the pairs instead of one.  When I had to give her my much loved car with the understanding she would take care of it, and then see it filthy, parked in the sun with her oak trees' catkins covering it instead of the garage, I could spontaneously combust. You know, I hate to get upset with her because I keep thinking she may be gone one day, but I am so fricking tired of grinding my teeth down to stubs.  So I scream at Mark and he answers with "you know what she is like".  So what are we doing?  Exchanging the 40" to get her the 50", according to my husband.  I am so tired of my family relying on me for everything.  How do you stop a situation that has been ongoing for many years, and how do you disappoint one brother, one sister, one nephew, when they are all you have?  How do you not feel you are failing your parents who helped her before they passed and asked you to continue?  How do you accept the way your gifts are accepted and abused, expected instead of appreciated?  Here's how.  Grow up!  If you can help someone, do it.  Do not expect them to take care of what you buy, it is a gift, and it will be ruined shortly.  It's now theirs, not yours.  If you want to help someone, do it. If you feel obligated instead of generous, get over it.  Help is help.  Do not expect them to be grateful, just feel good that you were able to make someone happy whether they deserve it or not.  If this is continually happening, and you get phone calls all the time asking to look up information online, run an errand, fill out a form, download a manual, fix something, pay for repairs, get groceries, pick up meds, just take a deep breath.  Take comfort in the fact that you are 13 years younger, much smarter, thinner, and cuter than they are.  And buy a good dental plan.
 
So now that that is off my non-existent chest, here's what I made today. 
 
 
 
Cupcakes for the Italian Home's golf league for husband and nephew birthdays.  Last night I cooked a monster cabbage to make halupki and it was in the basement fridge with the cupcake boxes, leaves laid over bowls and mugs so they don't tear.  When I opened the fridge, the smell was powerful but the boxes were only in there for an hour so they should be fine. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
That's all this crabass has to report today.
I'm going to be selling a few older stitcheries and am getting them ready. 
Nothing else involves a needle.
Thanks for visiting.
 
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22 comments:

Janet said...

You ROCK 😊!!!!!

Chrie said...

How do you stop enabling when you've done so for so long? Heck, I don't know, just stop, I guess...so sorry you are not appreciated for all that you do.

Barb said...

Well Marly, When it comes to family, I have no good advice. Friends you can just say no, but family is different.

Robin in Virginia said...

Oh Marly, the cupcakes look divine. Thinking of you!

kelley said...

Marly you are obviously a saint of the highest order...taking care of your sister is one thing...there's not enough Xanax in the world for me to do what you do...I'd have flipped a long time ago...

Jacqueline said...

I agree with Cheri, you are an enabler, I speak from experience of being one for over 25 years. I enjoyed being a martyr without realizing it. I stopped that cycle cold turkey but it was extremely difficult and sometimes you slip back into old patterns but you can stop it. And amazingly they find someone else do for them. There are givers and takers in this world. Except what you are or choose to change.

Shelly said...

It's hard doing what's best when it comes to family. I say continue to do what you're doing but come to your blog and vent and make more cupcakes:)

C. M. Designs said...

I was raised to take care of the few things that I was given, because that was all I was going to get. Parents didn't lavish on me. I had one bicycle to the neighborhood kids who had two or three. And, I'm an only child.
God bless you, Marly.
I think you have "trained" your family with your wonderful ways. I think you're being taken advantage of your generosity and being put on a "guilt trip".
This is my rant for today.
Those cupcakes look delicious. I made pumpkin bread (two loaves) yesterday (Wed.) and did laundry.
Take care of Marly today.
Charlotte in Va.

CJ said...

I know you are in a difficult spot, but sometimes for your own sanity you just have to let go.

Think I need a cupcake. Thanks for enabling.

CJ

Vickie said...

God bless you Marly. I love your cupcakes. ;) I baked a double batch of chocolate chip cookies yesterday. My headache is horrid now.

Debra said...

As a full-time caregiver to a family member, I totally agree with you. While my RN career has aided me significantly, I can honestly say that caring for 40 patients was easier! My therapy is my needlework, and there is comfort in knowing that I need have no regrets.

Mary said...

That is great that Mark won a TV. I would say to Carole "look this is the TV I have for you do you want it?'. If she say it is too small than your commitment to provide for your sister is over! Remember it is a TV not a prescription or a necessity. You are not denying your sister life just a TV! You cannot make people be grateful or rather appreciative but you can stop driving yourself crazy. The shoe incident you make me scream and I would have let her know. On another note, I love cupcakes!

Mary said...

I forgot to say, I was away last week in NH, spotty internet, actually none at times. I did not get to comment on wallets...fabulous! I would love to make one but I know they are much too much work for me, but beautiful.

Angie said...

Marly, I admire you for your strength! I grew up in a difficult family setting and realized from grade school age on that I would never be allowed to grow as I wanted but would be smothered from demands that I was not willing to meet. I moved 5,000 miles away from my folks and it works out great. You are a saint!

Heritage Hall said...

Marly dear ~ I would have a "come to Jesus" meeting with Carole and her Family...
Although you constantly consider that at any moment she may no longer be with you, that picture could be reversed and then where would they all be without you? Set some boundaries and follow them. I don't think your Parents asked you to give
your Sister entitlement to her whims. A difference of 10" on a TV screen? Heavens to Elizabeth, that is presumption, not gratitude. Do her a favor and provide what
she "needs" and not be so available for the punishment you have received for all your generosity and caring. Allow Carole to grow up. Give them all a different picture of the person you are... one not to be exploited. Sorry if I overstep with
this rant, but you deserve so much better.

debbie haggard said...

Marly, I so totally agree with Heritage Hall above. there is a very thin line between being helpful and being exploited. throw in a little (a lot) of enabling, and you end up with anger and resentment toward your only family. enough is enough. they are taking advantage of you and you are allowing it. start setting limits and saying no. "you have the right to say no without feeling guilty" is the title of a very powerful book by Manuel J. Smith. I call it 'the book that saved my life'. you might benefit from several of the chapters.
on a lighter note,,, I can smell your golabki cabbage from here! yum! :-)

Ronin said...

Marly
From experience I know how though this is. My whole life I have taken care of all my brothers and sisters. But about 2 years I said no more it stops. I'm no longer saving my money to pay your debts. It was hard but had to be done. You seamlessly took over from your parents and that I think is harder to quit. I'm thinking of you. Hope all is well with you and Mark. Happy birthday to him.
Warm regards from Amsterdam.
Viv

Carol said...

I can just imagine how frustrated you must be, Marly, after all you have done for Carole and family! My 80 year old coworker is still working not because she wants to, but because she just gave, gave, gave all these years, bought all three daughters a house, clothes, cars, etc. and has nothing left to retire on. To me, those daughters are beyond selfish--I just can't imagine doing that to my 80 year old mother the way they have. But, somewhere along the line, I guess you just have to put your foot down and say "no, this is how it's gonna play out if you expect me to help you." I know that isn't easy, but some people just take, take, take to the detriment of the giver.

You are such a giving person, it's about time you were given something in return and that would be "r-e-s-p-e-c-t!"

Kathy Barrick said...

In my world, Carole would receive no TV. It upsets me terribly that she takes such advantage of you. You are so giving and kind. She needs to read your blog!!
xoxox
Kathy

Karen Budnick said...

My weight watchers group is just full of people who can't say "No", then stuff their feelings down with food. It's a behavior we learn at an early age and we pay for it for the rest of our lives. I'm not stuffing down my feelings with food any longer but the few pounds I still want to shed are a lot more difficult to get rid of now that I'm 65. If you can't change what "is", a little rant is better than a bag of Dove chocolate - well, not better, just healthier. Rant on.

Maggee said...

Congrats to Mark for winning a big television! Very cool! And ymmmm... cupcakes! You've made me hungry for food that isn't 'normal' breakfast food! Ha! Rant heard, and off your chest! Moving on... Big Hugs!

Audrey said...

I agree with so many of the commenters, that you maybe are doing way too much for people (and family or not) who are taking advantage of you. You can't be doing them any favors to make them so dependent on you. Heritage Hall hit the nail on the head. It's time to start taking care of Marly. I can't imagine your parents would want you in this situation.

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